well, this entry was meant for 29th april.
people were asking ryan via msn the countdown that he left as a personal message.
some thought it was anniversary (fat hope)...

well, its actually the day when ryan first had this blog!
yeap! it was on this very day! (:

happy birthday cum 1st anniversary
to rz-zle.blogspot.com!
heh! =/

well, it didnt actually start as rz-zle.blogspot.com.
it was opened as ryanzul.blogspot.com, then it was changed to ryanlosttrust.blogspot.com.
the blog was removed for quite awhile as ryan changed to wordpress.com domain for a short period of time before changing back to blogger.com with rz-zle.blogspot.com!
yeah, blogger still rules! (:

this wasnt the only thing that changed. the motive for the blog changed too!
it was actually used as an archiving ground for quitting smoking, and yeah, ryan didnt eventually. =/
it changed to a a blog to document his daily doings and blah blah blah...
isnt it great to look at back at your own life and see what you did in the past? (:

another thing that changed which was kinda frequent is actually his blogskin!
he changed blogskin a couple of times, roughly about 5-7 times, before leaving it as this.
this skin is a simple custom-made layout.
alot of the codings were found over the net and just needed some minor tweakings..

on 5th November 2007, ryan signed up as a nuffnanger @ nuffnang.com! its a great place to increase blog viewers and yeah, sure made loads of friends from nuffnang!(:
the benefits are great! check it out at nuffnang.com!

on leap day, 29th Febuary 08, ryan signed up at sitemeter.com, a counter tool.
it gives instant access to vital information and data about ryan's sites audience. with their detailed reporting ryan has a clear picture of who is visiting rz-zle.blogspot.com even how you found this site and where you came from. great tool! (:

from blogging on school and daily routines, he moved on to blog about his usual hangouts, even his friends' crazy antics, on to ryan's own whinings and rantings too!
great clubbing times and birthday outings were eventually posted!
and it came in abundance of pictures left as memories!

rz-zle.blogspot.com was also used as a ground to release all his sadness in his emo posts and also had many motivations and positive messages!
attachments and breakups hit him hard and alot of it is noted as ryan pour out his feelings!
of course, randomly at times, there were times when ryan was flooded with hate tags and messages, who doesnt.=/
friends who had his back at all times retaliated and all those effort is much appreciated.
it proves that great friends help each other when one is in need! (:

it was also a great place to catch up with friends who ryan do not keep in contact much as we know that through time, friends will eventually move on in their own lives!
peeps who tag once in awhile means alot to him as he feels remembered! (: thanks alot! <3

made alot of great friends from blogging and the rewards are great! (:
hopefully this blog will continue for another year and more years to come! (:

happy 1st anniversary
rz-zle.blogspot.com! (:

heyys! another eventful night PLAY-ing last night. not the best, but still its the company that matters. =/
in any case, school's a 3-day week this coming week! *woots!* sentosa!! ((:

well, went ladies night at our usual club! (:
night was filled with RnB music, but switched over to house music later on.
thank god we stayed on! =/ DJ Andrew T is loved! hahahas!

ryan came over from irene's birthday at kovan. had a blast there, yeah.
came down on a high, literally! =/ alcohol-filled breathe, yucks! (:

they were waiting for ryan to come down, so had to rush. sorry guys!
sebas ang was there too! we went in together soon after that.

they camwhored and danced at the same time lahh, killing two birds with one stone.. *yawns*



after that we all headed down to boatquay for sleep! =/

...and of course, breakfast! mcdonalds! hahas(:
we chatted til morning lahh, bitched here and there, as usual. =/
we then left for first train...

we had to wait so long lahh, OMG!

slowly walked down..
and waited..


still, it was a fun night then, seeya!

celebrated irene's 21st birthday last week, 17th april.

was kinda rush as before that she wasnt in the mood to celebrate her birthday.
had a heart-to-heart chat with her and she turned out just fine! job done! (:

at first she said she may be planning a birthday over the weekend.
but on the morning of her birthday, ryan was informed by jiaxiang that the celebration's that night!!
well, with all fairness, she did say MAY. hahas! as promised, ryan headed down!

rushed presentation in class and zhao-ed class asap to prepare for her birthday.
then came isaac, saying that he wanted to head down to ladies night! headache!!
cos the birthday celebration's like at 9ish - 10pm til kinda late.

co-ordinated all plans and met up with jiaxiang @ kovan@10pm with another friend (:
headed to the venue; kinda ulu, but the company is what's most important!

isaac with the gals, as usual, the ladiesman. *rolleyes*

ohya, lester's actually ryan's secondary school friend's younger brother. what a small world!
back to the pics! (:

rachel and vanessa checking out the pics taken there.
we sang the song and cut the cake! hahas.
what happened after that was totally uncalled for lorr!!

she cut out the cakes for the everyone nicely, except for ryan and isaac!
cos we actually planned out the whole "sabo-ing" thingy. bitch! hahahs!
but since she's the birthday girl, we forgave her lah, sincerely of course!
see~, we're so good, she's the mean one!!

so ryan and isaac got her to finish her cake without any utensils.
basically eat her cake like this:

we then passed her her gift.


another round of pics:
final pic, and we left! :

headed for clubbing!!
danced the night away, celebrations with drinks, music and of course, more pics!

just some random wordy updates, pics arent out yet. soon yeah? (:
formatted the comp. it was dying. =="
lack of updates for the past week. have been busy with loads of stuff.
work is piling up. exams are round the corner, everyone's chiong-ing for the exams.

club-ed last thurs. ladies night(: brought isaac in. camwhored in the club!
club-ed til 3am. slacked at boatquay mcdonalds til morning.
friday went out with isaac and esther. lunch-ed, sent esther off to samsung hub@telokayer.
town-ed, met up with vanessa and rachel. slack-ed and headed to club again.
so sick of it, but the company was somehow great. nightrider-ed home.

saturday tutoring in the afternoon@bedok. headed back home as it was still early.
rested and left home at 7 for the bbq@pasir ris.
had loads of fun! ((:
bbq, food, some performance, company of friends and also the chalet!!
laughed, joked, bitched and even made some new friends. ((:
recieved a text saying that darling couldnt make it.. )): kinda down after that.
but the peeps cheered ryan up, thanks guys(:
was there til sunday 7pm! gosh! hahahs!
went home and KO-ed on the bed.

monday was a rather boring day, reached class late, about 10.30am.
lesson ended kinda abruptly. but the guys were still playing dawn of war, yeah.
zack, JR, khai, farhan. gamers *rolleyes* hahas! =/
slacked and bitched in class with jerald. kns!
left school together as a group. met up with esther for a lil while, just for a short chat.
train-ed to bugis to meet up with isaac, rachel and trist.
trist is in RP too!! GOSH! and same course!! just that trist's in yearone. phew! hahs!(:
shopped and some stuff happened, dont wanna elaborate.
slacked and left at about ten. train-ed home.

school today. very slack. sure failing): though lesson's kinda easy.
team-ed up with zack and gab today. finished early and did out own stuff.
gab watched porn(yea, he did), and zack and ryan played monopoly. =="
zack went bankrupt! LOL! ((:
left school at 4.30. bus-ed home. tired.

loads of commotions happened over the weekend. good and bad.
sad that darling couldnt attend the bbq, was so looking forward to it.
so was everyone..we were all waiting for you to arrive.
darling, what happened while you were gaming, take it as a lesson okays?
sorry ryan couldnt be there. sighh. ryan's useless!! ):
anyways, he's in the midst of soon-to-be kicked out of the house, yeah.
back to living alone again. freedom comes at a price. ):
will do up a proper post soon! stay tuned for pics peeps! ((:

school's sucky today. hate working on excel.
today's like on inflation and balance sheet.
swear, he only understands the problem at 1pm. before that, everything's blurry.
fuck! and this is how he's gonna continue on to year 2&3?
as they say, PBL-Pretend to Be Learning. =/

2 slides, 5lines RJ.
scraped through today's problem, surely is enough for a C right? fuckschool!
went home, slept in the evening. fcuking tired. can school revert to 9am? =/

planning's for the bbq's been brief. 20 invitations out.
food, drinks, music. all in all, one heck of a night.
a toast to the future, a night to remember.

town-ing tomorrow perhaps?
mahjong on wed? or town-ing with the classmates?
will see..


p/s: ohya! guess what, you're HOT! ((:

most tertiary schools starts today!!
have fun!! ((:

valentino's first year in SP, doing Food Science and Technology
kelvin's in Simei ITE, after one year of working
yongan's attachment@bugis, selling computer stuff.

have fun guys!!
study/work hard! jiayou!! ((:

Faber Drive- Second Chance

I found the phone
I must've missed your message
You got it wrong, It wasn't what your friend said.
Tell by your tone, I've taken it too far again.
(Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again.)

Your friends are telling you, You gotta move on.
(Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again.)
You turned around so I could tell you what took so long.
I don't know why i ever waited to say.
Cuz I'm just dying just to see you again .

Instead of holding you, I was holding out.
I should've let you in, but I let you down.
You were the first to give ,I was the first to ask.
Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance.

I should've known, took you and I for granted
Gotta let you know, I was never underhanded.
Tell by your tone, I've taken it too far again.
(Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again.)

My friends are telling me they saw you with someone.
(Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again.)
You turned around so I could tell you what took so long.
I don't know why i ever waited to say.
Cuz I'm just dying just to see you again .

Instead of holding you, I was holding out.
I should've let you in, but I let you down.
You were the first to give, I was the first to ask.
Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance.

My last mistake, putting my friends first.
I tried to laugh it off but I made things worse.
You were the first to give, I was the first to ask.
Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance.

What you give is always what you get.
There's so much I haven't given yet.
If you could give another second chance.
(Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again.)

My friends are telling me they saw you with someone.
(Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again.)
You turned around so I could tell you what took so long.
I don't know why I ever waited to say.
Cuz I'm just dying just to see you.

Instead of holding you, I was holding out.
I should've let you in, but I let you down.
You were the first to give, I was the first to ask.
Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance.

My last mistake, putting my friends first.
I tried to laugh it off but I made things worse.
You were the first to give I was the first to ask.
Now I'm in second place to get a second chance.

Instead of holding you, I was holding out
I should've let you in, but I let you down
You were the first to give, I was the first to ask
Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance.

reached school at about 8am. phew!

class was full of laughters today. vulgarities spewed like water
usage again. trying to do his best to get a hang of it. doesn't seem to work though.
its so irritating and pissing him off.
went for smoke breaks few times, headed home at 4.15pm.
slept. too tired): emo-ness getting in the way too..

school has been a great way to really cut the emo-ness abit.
this few days been really emo-ing for some time.

yesterday,without a reason why, he went through all those videos and songs.
all those remind him of you deeply.
reminiscing all those times we spent, hours in front of youtube and itunes.
he couldnt help it. he couldnt help but just smile at the screen, tear-ed.

yes, that's how much he misses you.
hearing all those songs and watching all those vids, yes, it was heart-wenching.
time flies, one month plus. it died just like that.
it was perfect, just perfect; until that final moment, when you dropped the bomb.
all the things you do or say still affects him one way or another.
he's always held that very special place in his heart for you, no matter what happens.

ryan's been trying his best to not let emo-ing get in the way.
but right now, guess its just too much to take..

he misses you. all those times we spent, all those things we said..
those things we went through, all those things people said.
how we proved to people that its more than just words, numbers and money.
just when we could have shoved all those critics aside and life our life, it ended.
and you followed the critics like a religion, comparing all those: words, numbers and money.

whatever happened wasnt just a coincidence. nothing's a coincidence..
did we go through all that just to be proven right by the critics?
since when did you ever take their words strongly, when you used to say, "lets life life our way".
he couldnt help thinking all those we just, well, words, just sweetnothings.

once bitten, twice shy. no, he wasnt bitten; he was stung.
it aint the first, perhaps not the last. as cliche as it sounds, love is blind.

if there's anything he didnt regret doing, its those times spent with you.
he wont mind repeating this all over again, cos its worthwhile.
the only question is, how much more can he take?
sighhhh...

wendy and isaac. camwhore freaks =/

pictures taken on the trip.

nice plot, though kinda boring at first.
a cybercrime-killing spree thingy, more hits on a site, the faster one dies, yeap.
its cool, in a gross way. rating of 4/5stars!

some pics we took while waiting for the movie.
what do you expect?! we were boreddd!

headed home after the show.
wanted to slack around but tino was too upset with his hairstyle. *rolleyes* =/

this entry is soo late. it happened like last week? yeap (:

met up with wendy, isaac's friend.

this is wendy!

had dinner @ cineleisure's kfc.

unglam pics and all! while eating too! well more to come luhh =/ *evil grins*

I really wish i had the most perfect and beautiful words to say to you;
Because if i did, i’d say them.

I’d tell you how great you make me feel when i’m with you.
I love that little thing you do with your nose when you smile.
Or that sweet voice i hear everytime i call you;
Hearing your laughters and smiles though we're miles away.

You always crack my stupid grammar and i hate it.
You laugh at the way i stutter, yes, and i get pissed off immediately.
But that's what makes you yourself.
Most of all, I’d tell you that you make me a better person;
One i'd never thought i'd be.

That’s how i know that all that i have, means nothing.
But you, you mean everything.

But hey, i’m just a stupid boy, i don’t have the right words.
i'm sorry, i've let you down yet again..
i'm sorry, goodbye)':

heyys! ryan's back to update this blog. yeap, recieved all the pics.
phew~! it was hard chasing people for pictures! ):

anyway he was at the nuffnang youth aids awareness forum @ orchard cineleisure last week.
met up with isaac supposedly at 2.30 but was kind of late.
had to meet up with yongan first @ khatib. train-ed down to town together, yeaps.

bumped into some of the older clique!
shilin and jarett was waiting for their other halves to catch a movie together! awwww~!! =/

randolph was also there for the forum.

yongan, randolph, shilin, ryan, jarett.

anyways, back to the forum, yeah.
its actually organised by a team of youth in conjunction with HPB.
for those dumbasses out there who doesnt know what's HPB, its Health Promotion Board.

we headed into the bigbig tent in front of cine! there were pics which definitely speaks a thousand words!
there was also a very captivating short film which was played.
it was about how a girl, who even though has contracted HIV, was still loved whole heartedly by her boyfriend. unconditional love..
it was something that actually hit some sense into him as it is often that people often shun HIV patients.
but why are some people not afraid? love??

this poem was screened at the tent in front of cineleisure. piercing words...

nuffnang-ers with boss ming in front of the tent.

yongan, ryan. taken on a sucky randolphtan's camera. =/

the one in green is the male lead! (:

jonnywong, ryan, denise!

back:jonnywong, ryan, isaac.
front: egbert, jonnyng.

those who clubbed til 3plus! hahahs! hardcore luh!!

by this time everyone was high on stage dancing.
err, we pulled isaac on stage, literally and physically..
ryan isaac, randolph.

on the dancefloor for about an hour plus, the songs were fabulous!! hahahs!